Christmas 2010   

Bet you thought I forgot to write a Xmas newsletter this year. Ho ho no. It's just that I have been without a PC since mine got soaked in our basement wading pond during the pineapple express. I was so sure I fixed the flooding problem last time that I shrewdly did not bother to put my $1500 PC up on two blocks of scrap wood. To pass the time without a PC, I wrote some limericks that summarize a few of 2010's top news stories, which I shall inflict upon you now. Please bear in mind that things that rhyme need not be that funny:

BP went drilling about
Not safely, there can be no doubt
But you need not weep
For they drilled so deep
That Chilean miners poured out

Hey gays, before you start kissin'
In marriage, there's one thing you're missin'
A rule that's the reason
For unit cohesion
We straights call it "Don't Ask, Don't Listen"

At the airport, I was most surprised
Indeed, I was quite traumatized
For the TSA knew
In a moment or two
Whether I was circumcised

Beth got a new job in Microsoft's security division (yes, there is one), and got her Jaguar fixed after 2 years of complaining to me about an intermittent ignition miss, which never occurred when I drove it. Eight new coils later, all is well. And here's the fun thing about Jaguar repairs: every one, no matter how seemingly trivial, comes with a complementary wallet flush.

Beth & Jacqueline continue to churn out SockPals in the basement. While online sales (SockPals.com--they make great gifts!) languished, those two set up a table at a hipster flea market in Bell Town. The middle-aged mom and the 12-year-old girl selling plush toys were an island of cute in a sea of pierced, tattooed, gratuitously weird young people. They raked in nearly a grand in one day.

Jacqueline turned 12 and is finishing her last year at SCDS. Next stop: high school, and she has applied to five. It's so hard to compare the different schools, except for me as I have ranked them by the cookies they put out at their open houses:

1. Seattle Prep: Six folding tables in the middle of the gym groaning under mountains of homemade cookies. So much variety, I could not try them all. I'm going to every open house they have every year, like when I rushed fraternities annually for the free beer. 5 stars
    
2. University Prep: Average store-bought, but supplemented by a heavy hors d'oeuvre spread and fresh fruit. 4 stars
    
3. Northwest School: Decent selection, but had the breakthrough innovation of offering cookies in multiple locations. 3 stars
    
4. Bush School: Costco. Nuff said. 1 star
    
5. SAAS: No snacks of any kind! If this is an example of the kind of education my child will be receiving, then, I'm afraid I must bid your school good day. I said GOOD DAY! 0 stars