Frequently Asked Questions


Paper or plastic?

Match the bag to your payment method. Do not request "paper in plastic", as if your groceries were about to accompany you up Mt. Everest. Also do not thrust some canvas bag from NPR that says "Save a Tree" at the bag boy. Not only do these not stand up by themselves thereby making the task of filling them all the more daunting for the mildly retarded teens frequently given the job, they make you look like a hippie who has yet to realize that pulp trees are grown on farms--like wheat--and that if demand for paper were to slacken, there would actually be fewer trees in the world, not more.

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Would you like fries with that?

Did I order fries? Well there's your answer, Cheech.

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Is this seat taken?

That's my lap, and no it isn't.

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Hot enough for you?

Yes. Thank you, global warming, whatever your cause.

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Do you have the time?

But not the energy. It's 05:41 on 09/09/06.

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Was that you?

Uh, no. It was the dog.

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